- Corey agreed to let Spike live with us, which makes me overjoyously exuberantly happy. I missed her so much and was welling up everytime I ran to my dad's really quick to see her and take care of the basics. Kristin helped me move her in today, and she's been coping really well. I promised Corey I would keep the kitty fluff to a minimum, so I actually have to vacuum more than every three weeks. No more lazy for me :-P
- Thanks to my mom, I can go to school. I never thought I'd say this. After my dad's ridiculously high income screwed me over on the FAFSA (he doesn't help with my school at all), which is the Federal Application for Student Aid, or a required form that decides how much school you can afford, I called my mom. And she let me claim her instead... Thanks to her, my expected financial contribution went from $33,500 to $0. Even though we don't have a relationship and may never have one, I am eternally grateful to her for her help.
- I paid my $200 deposit on a UMass Lowell dorm - I'm hoping to dorm during school, so I have a place where I can focus on my homework and have some space of my own. I'll definitely still be frequenting at Corey's now mind you, but it's nice to have a place where you can study and have some time for yourself. I'm nervous about not getting a dorm though - because of the circumstances I applied late; I'll be on the waiting list. We'll see what happens... I don't have a plan for if things go wrong yet....
- Corey and I are stable again, which is a relief for me. I really love him, and I understand that my family issues can be difficult to handle and adds extra baggage which can feel overwhelming, but he understands that I'm doing everything I can to get out of this awful situation.
- Everytime something good would happen, I'd find myself increasingly more upset with my dad. I'd get depressed and sad that so many wonderful people believed in me and wanted me to succeed, why didn't my dad? Today though, I realized that I expected too much out of my dad, he was not what I wanted him so badly to be, and never would be. My dad is not the type of person to offer stable comfort and support, he's more of the "white knight" type, that when you have a major crisis (or what he deems to be one), he will swoop in to save the day. He believes that the school of hard knocks and hard work can get you further than anyone helping you along, and this is where we fundamentally do not see eye to eye and never will.
I believe a parent's job is to try and ensure than your children do better than yourself, so not only can they possibly avoid the struggles you've been through, but also that your child can teach the same to their own someday. I feel education is paramount to any decent job with decent wages that I may have held without a degree, life is not about money. I believe a parent's job is to be a role model for their children, and to push when they need to be pushed, offer guidance as needed, and to let them live their lives and make their own mistakes.
I feel like my dad has always had a different philosophy - one of a more hands off, let them figure out everything on their own ideal. He told me before that he was disappointed that I quit Bruker to go back to school, and he disagreed with it wholeheartedly. He feels that a child should be able to support themselves without parental help after 18 - in this day and age, it is increasingly difficult to do so. With the high costs of school, the astronomical cost of car insurance, etc...
All I can do is accept him for who he is; this does not mean I need to have a relationship with him. I have barely spoken with him since our huge fight - short texts at the most. This is a tough time in my life, I need positive people who are rooting for me, and want me to succeed and believe in the path I am taking. I am not saying that people who disagree with some of the things I do are out of my life, but I cannot deal with toxicity and overall negativity at this point. I am driven and desperately want to get out of school and make something of myself, I refuse to let ANYBODY stop me.
My friends have been amazing to me, and they have helped me through this more than anyone else... They made me feel worth it, and kept me motivated through everything, thank you guys <3.
Ooooh, and by the way: last weekend Corey, Mark and I went for a short trip to San Francisco. Pictures on the next post!
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