RIP Anonymous Kitty

Some people say I care too much about animals. I just feel I have a conscience. Today, after trying to figure out South Lowell, I drove on Route 38 and took a left onto Shawsheen street... Just exploring.

In the road, there was a dead cat, white and orange, in the road that people were just running over or avoiding all together. I passed by it, bothered by the sight and kept going. Since the road was detoured all over the place, I ended up just turning around and ended up passing the cat again. After going for another 5 minutes, my conscience got to me so I turned around and parked near the cat again.

I only had paper towels, but I had lots of them. Over the course of 15 minutes, I would get the guts to go in the road, slowly wrap the cat in paper towels to protect myself (lots of head trauma, and an eye that was popped out :-() and slowly drag the cat to the side of the road, where it was at least safe from more damage. I started to write notes, but ended up just going to people's houses and letting them know I found a cat dead in the road and pulled it off to the side and asked them to pass it around to their neighbors.

Now this was somebody's pet; he had a collar on and everything. Since there was so much head trauma, I was too nervous to unwrap the head and check to see if there was a tag, but at least I had enough of a conscience to protect it... Someone loved and cared for this pet and now, lost their pet because yes, cats are stupid and run randomly into roads.

After pulling basically onto someone's yard and bugging all the neighbors, I drove off and couldn't stop crying. One of the neighbors said they noticed the cat hours ago, and they did nothing. There was a decent amount of traffic on the road and NO ONE did anything. This was someone's pet - what if it was my kitty Spike? She loves to go outside and while she's overly afraid of cars, what if she got hit... Would anyone make any effort to save her? Would anyone try to take her to the vet to save her life?

...Or would they just let her lie in the road to die? And once dead, to just rot there?

I want to keep Spike indoors, but she gets too antsy and I doubt my dad would listen to me. I hugged her extra tonight...

I'm still wicked upset, I mean you probably think it's really illogical to get to pained at this type of thing, but that's just the kind of person I am I guess. The only thing I can really do now is buy a shovel, so when this type of thing happens again, I can be a little safer when pulling dead pets that someone else hit and ran over to a better spot for them.

I hope I can sleep tonight :-(

Just if you see a girl with a silver Ford Focus pulled over on the side of the road with her hazards on, trying to save animals or something, please don't hit me :-)

Life is Good Again :-)

I absolutely adore my job at TDBank - the people are wonderful and I just get so excited to work for a company that actually has rules and regulations and followthrough and actually wants you to provide excellent customer service. Great company, and I have to say, I love their very generous mileage reimbursement ;-). Tomorrow I'm working there 7:15 - 12:30 so Diane, the Head Teller, can show me how to open. They are mailing my first paycheck to me, so hopefully I get that on Friday, but we'll see. I get a little confused though because the direct deposited the mileage reimbursement into my bank account but they can't do that for my check? Hahah, oh well. I'm just excited for the money that will be going to bills in no time.

Things are really good right now, really stable. I've needed stable for awhile now, and it's good to have it. Corey and I are actually getting along now, so there is 20000x less drama in my life... I even invited him along to my trip to NY in August.

Ooooh about my trip to NY: every year Corey and I would visit Troy, NY and the Albany area. His old school was in Troy, Rensselaer, so we'd visit that in the freezing weather (usually went in January). This year, I'd like to continue the tradition as a single girl, because I like the area and would really like to photograph it when the weather is completely lip cracking freezing. Friday I'm probably booking the hotel, two double beds and it's actually wicked cheap, only $160 for two nights.

My little Focus makes my life. I love driving and I do it all the time - my car gets 31 miles to the gallon and everything. I get so much freedom now and it's just so exhilerating... I waited too long and let too much fall apart before I got a car. Oh well.

This week I'm probably not going to lose much weight, but next week I definitely will. Oh and how excited am I that I got a Saturday off the weekend of the Folk Festival? I hope it's nice out :-)

Time to go to my doctor's appointment and enjoy the sunshine :-)

Tonight for the first time ever I'm watching the sun set...

I always wanted to watch one but... Oh romance haha. Or lack of :-P

So I apologize - Blogger has been giving me a lot of trouble lately and they have been jumbling up my posts. At first I thought it was just because of it being from my cell, but a post from my laptop messed up as well. I'll be looking into it soon.

I tried multiple times to post this so here we go again, and it's not even important lol:

Right now I'm sitting at the Drum Hill BOA ATM parked in my little car watching a little skunk forage around. They are absolutely adorable, if you get them descented can you keep them as a pet? They are smaller than I thought, haha.

Tonight *as in yesterday night* I went to the Olive Garden with Keri and for the first time in months I felt really confident with my body. I'm down almost 15 pounds and can actually really see it now in my clothes! Another 10 and I'll be back to my "normal" weight, but I still have a long way to go towards a healthier weight. I'm so proud of myself :-)

At least I have Mass plates so they understand that I'm and idiot and that's why I accidentally ran 2 lights.... lol NH hates me.

Manchester is a scary place when you're from MA

Woahhhh

So sorry everyone about that jumbled up post (or posts). Sent it from my phone, and obviously it didn't do so well.

It was just me whining about CVS being rude to me and taking forever to fix their screwup over my medication and that I lost another 2 pounds....

yayyyy

Am I going to be depressed for every holiday? I hate this.

This is the first 4th of July I won't be at Corey's mom's house in 4 years or so. Weird.

C'est la vie

So on June 30th, I was boasting I had lost 6 pounds in 11 days.

Well today, July 3rd, make that a total of 10 pounds in 2 weeks. Crazy.

I also wanted to just mention that by not knowing what was going on, I made a mistake that I will pay for the rest of my life. I'm sure in a year it won't seem so serious, but I'm really upset about it now. My cheery optimism really ends up hurting me more than it helps. I originally wanted to blame other parties, or lash out and be mean, but I have always been a big personal responsibility fan. If Corey ever reads this, at least he can know this.

C'est la vie...

Ello ello.

I really like working at the bank, everyone is super nice to me. I mean, it's an obvious statement, but it's way better at Market Basket. I'm promised 25 hours (minimum!) a week there, and with the 18-20 I get at MB, I'll be making about $1600 a month, just for the summer. With the way I've budgeted, I'll be paying down debts and still have $50 a week to spend for fun, if I so wish :-D

At the bank, I finished my book training, in one day. I was pretty excited, and I passed my Bank Secrecy Act test, so I can handle money now. Annnnnd I get to go to orientation on Monday. It's in Bedford, NH and it's at 9am, but at least I get fed! I also need to pass my banking exam so I can be a full fledged teller, they are looking at maybe next week to get that done for me.

So, my hours for this week and next:

June 28 - July 4

Sun: 12-4 MB

Mon: 9:30 - 2:30 TD

6 - 9:30 MB

Tues: 9 - 2 TD

Wed: 9 - 2 TD

6 - 9:30 MB

Thu: 6 - 9:30 MB

Fri: 9 - 2 TD

Sat: 12 - 4 MB (time and a hallffffff)

July 5 - July 11 (don't have my bank schedule yet, will edit soon)

Sun: 4 to 7:45

Mon: 6 to 9:30

Tues: 6 to 9:30

Wed: 6 to 9:30

Fri: 6 to 9:30

Sat: 5 to 9:30

I had to ask for all closing shifts because I had to leave the days open for the bank, but either way...

I don't really mind working two jobs (of course I just started). I have some time during the middle of the day for myself to get errands done, and this crazy schedule is just for the summer, until school. Not much time for the gym, but that's okay, because....

... I'm still losing weight! My stomach has definitely shrunk considerably. Garrette (who is an amazing friend, definitely) and I went to the Lo Kai, a Chinese buffet as tradition dictates. However, tradition was broken when I couldn't eat my 2nd plate of food and I had no room for ice cream! Garrette and I ALWAYS got 2 plates of food and got soft serve ice cream! I'm so pumped :-)

I'm still having nightmares and still sleeping erratically, but things are looking up. Not sure where things are going or what's going on always, because it always seems to be changing, but I got what I needed to handle things better. We'll see what happens, good or bad, I'll still be me.

Can I just say how much I love having a car? It's seriously therapy for me. Anytime I'm upset, I just go for a drive (lately it's been up the highway to Hudson, then backroads home) and when I come home, I'm in such a better mood and a better state of mind. On the roads at night, you can really find yourself and figure yourself out because there isn't much else on the road except you and your thoughts. It's nice.

I don't recommend driving up the Everett Turnpike though, the other night I only had 50 cents available easily and I didn't expect to hit tolls so soon, so I ended up having to park my car at the toll booth and find that last quarter (it was late at night, exact change only). Since I didn't park close enough to the money thing, I had to get out of my car and put the money in. Hahahah, I'm an idiot, but thankfully no one else was on the road. Maybe I should look into those EZ Passes :-P

Since I took a nap, I'm not tired, but I should get ready for bed. Goodnight everyone <3

Nightmare after nightmare, this is just awful. Just really awful.

Testing from my phone

Today was such a hard day... I worked 12-close, and I was depressed all day.

Ugh. I hate breakups. And I hate that I miss him so much when it's clear he doesn't even miss me. It's like why am I not stronger?

All I want for him is to be happy... I have no choice :-(

Juuuust got off of the phone from my new job, TDBanknorth.

I start Monday morning at 9:30am! So excited :-)

I hate when you have nightmares so realistic that you can't shake them...

...I hope this one never comes true, I literally threw up at the idea.

:-(

RIP Lily

My life always has a way of turning itself upside down.

A few hours after posting about how I wouldn't be putting Lily down because the quality of her life will be okay, she had another seizure.

This time, I held her close so she wouldn't hurt herself banging around her cage. I held her too long I guess, because she freaked out, jumped out of my hands multiple times, biting my thumbs very, very deeply. Bleeding copiously all over the house, I was trying to capture her in a fabric bag so that she wouldn't get lost/eaten by Spike. My poor dad could only watch as he can barely move because of his back...

... Lily has not been moving right since I put her back in her cage. I think she broke one of her legs.

My appointment to put her to sleep is at 4:30pm. She'll be buried, hopefully, next to her sister at Corey's mom's house.

Lily, My One and Only

So I'm just hanging out with my lil degu Lily. In a lot of ways, I'm glad I didn't find a new home for her, she's so cute to watch! This morning she crawled right into my hands so I brought her up to my bed and she's just crawling around in my blankets snuggling up. I love my little rodent :-)

I really do worry about her, a lot. A couple days ago I saw that she had an incredibly serious seizure and I thought she was going to die. She's okay now, just have to keep an eye on her. She is expensive to take care of, because she's an exotic pet, but I really think I should try and focus on giving her the best life she can get, for as long as she can get. She's worth it and I feel awful for thinking otherwise.

Her sister, Daisy, died two years ago because of diabetes complications. So far, I don't see any diabetes problems in Lily, but the seizure (I wasn't around much so this may have not been her first one) worries me.

My poor dad has his back out, right now I'm waiting around to pick up his meds for him, he needs muscle relaxants. I'm really fortunate I didn't inherit the Robbin backproblem....

Picturessss

I had a whole bunch from my recent Boston trips as well as San Francisco, but I'm lazy and if you're my friend on Facebook you get to see them anyway.

So this was definitely a moment I was glad I bring my camera everywhere with me. The Spaghettiville bridge is a very low bridge, and a trash truck got stuck :-). It definitely made my day!

As almost like a form of therapy, I visited Rockport twice in 24 hours. Expensive on the gas tank, but I was basically saying goodbye to my favorite place in the whole world. It really helped :-)

Frankie, my co-pilot. And my bars in case I got hungry because I was broke and didn't want to buy lunch :-P. Did I mention I lost four pounds in 10 days by the way?

Boats.

On rainy, rainy days, I always make sure to wear the proper footwear. In this case, flats are always weather resistant, right?

<3

Beaches

So yeah, I'm going to definitely make a huge effort to update this more often. Before I was just so terribly depressed, you could barely get me to do anything, much less update. Luckily for me, things are really turning around, and I'm surrounding myself with people who honestly care about me and appreciate me, so I actually feel good about myself again. It's been wonderful to just not cry and smile and laugh and WANT to get up in the morning.

Life is good, and with the way things are going, they will only get better for me. I am very blessed :-)

I have so much to do tomorrow, I need to clean up my room some more (believe me when I say it's been a VERY slow process) and go to the gym... And then work. I look forward to working my two jobs so I can actually save money. How wonderful :-)

So Excited!

Okay, so to start off, I'm getting this phone by 3pm:

http://reviews.cnet.com/cell-phones/lg-env-touch-verizon/4505-6454_7-33665903.html

It's the LG enV Touch, and if you click on the link above you'll see it has an amazing review and it's going to be mine :-) :-) :-). The Goobermaphone is happily going to be gone, thank goodness! Time to move on to bigger and better things!

I had a wonderful day today with my friend Jess... We went to Parlee Farms for some strawberry picking, saw Transformers II at Chunky's, AND went to a Spinners game. Some pictures for your visual enjoyment:

One of my favorites of myself :-)

Cutie pieeee

Don't they look absolutely delicious? Way better than the icky strawberries you get at the grocery store.

My bear, Frankie, is my co-pilot in my Ford Focus. To me, he's my good luck charm who'll keep me safe from accidents. Don't judge me, it's obvous Jess doesn't :-P

I'm seriously obsessed with all things buffalo.

Cute, then wait for it, wait for it...

Hahaha not so cute :-)

Cute again.

It was a really good day for strawberry picking, very few people were there, and it was only misting enough to frizz our hair but keep the bugs away. So many yummy strawberries to eat, can't wait :-)

Transformers II was a great movie and I highly recommend seeing it. Warning, it is very long. Like 2 and a half hours. But it's good, and worth the time.

The Spinners game was a blast. It was an absolutely embarassing loss (3-0, with 5 errors on the Spinners part) but it's the beginning of the season and hey, it's a super minor league baseball team. Jess and I were giggling the entire time though.

I love hanging out with her, we both can be complete idiots around each other. Examples:

- I promised her I wouldn't tell people why I call her "Little C", but believe me it's absolutely hilarious.

- We were driving down to Chunky's in Pelham, and we were discussing gas tanks and where people fill theirs up, like which side. I was curious about where the Toyota's was located. So I attempt to stick my head out of the window at a red light. The window was up. I'm amazing, I know.

- When trying to take a picture of herself at the Spinners game, we get this gem:

Jess happily posed for her picture, but did not realize that the camera was backwards

<3

Today was a really good day, and with the friends I have, who I can happily yammer to about the mundane stuff in my life and see as often as I'd like, I'll be just fine :-)

Picture post is coming up next! I know you're excited that I'm actually updating for once. Or thrice. Or something.

Everything has changed.

I'm single now, and living with my dad again. Please, just for now, don't ask any questions just yet, I'm not ready for them. Still healing, and there's a lot of healing to do... I just really miss the family I built over these past almost 4 years, and I hope they know I love them dearly...

Now for some good.

I have a car now, I named her Lucy. 2004 Ford Focus (click for big):

I also got a new job, start on the 29th of June. At TDBanknorth, as a teller. That'll be my primary job while I get some extra money from Market Basket.

I got all Bs and Cs except for one A in my lab. Pretty good for seven classes. I wish I had taken on less, but now I know to just enjoy life and not let the pressures of life have you make rushed decisions. I just want to enjoy being a college student for now, I'm only 22.

I have amazing friends who, over the past few months, have only become more and more amazing. I don't have a best friend, nor do I want to have one, I'm just grateful to them all for their wonderful support through everything. I love them so, so, so very much.

At this point, I'm not really sure of what else to say, as this is just an update post. I'll update with more fun stuff soon, I have a lot of funny pictures and experiences to share :-)

I'll be okay, this is a new chapter in my life. Not one I ever wanted to see, but who really wants a life where everything is planned out and you know how it's going to end?

So much has happened, sorry about the lack of updates. I'll update by the end of next week, promise.

Updates!

So things, after everything going downhill for 3 weeks straight, are wonderful again.

- Corey agreed to let Spike live with us, which makes me overjoyously exuberantly happy. I missed her so much and was welling up everytime I ran to my dad's really quick to see her and take care of the basics. Kristin helped me move her in today, and she's been coping really well. I promised Corey I would keep the kitty fluff to a minimum, so I actually have to vacuum more than every three weeks. No more lazy for me :-P

- Thanks to my mom, I can go to school. I never thought I'd say this. After my dad's ridiculously high income screwed me over on the FAFSA (he doesn't help with my school at all), which is the Federal Application for Student Aid, or a required form that decides how much school you can afford, I called my mom. And she let me claim her instead... Thanks to her, my expected financial contribution went from $33,500 to $0. Even though we don't have a relationship and may never have one, I am eternally grateful to her for her help. 

- I paid my $200 deposit on a UMass Lowell dorm - I'm hoping to dorm during school, so I have a place where I can focus on my homework and have some space of my own. I'll definitely still be frequenting at Corey's now mind you, but it's nice to have a place where you can study and have some time for yourself. I'm nervous about not getting a dorm though - because of the circumstances I applied late; I'll be on the waiting list. We'll see what happens... I don't have a plan for if things go wrong yet....

- Corey and I are stable again, which is a relief for me. I really love him, and I understand that my family issues can be difficult to handle and adds extra baggage which can feel overwhelming, but he understands that I'm doing everything I can to get out of this awful situation.

- Everytime something good would happen, I'd find myself increasingly more upset with my dad. I'd get depressed and sad that so many wonderful people believed in me and wanted me to succeed, why didn't my dad? Today though, I realized that I expected too much out of my dad, he was not what I wanted him so badly to be, and never would be. My dad is not the type of person to offer stable comfort and support, he's more of the "white knight" type, that when you have a major crisis (or what he deems to be one), he will swoop in to save the day. He believes that the school of hard knocks and hard work can get you further than anyone helping you along, and this is where we fundamentally do not see eye to eye and never will. 

I believe a parent's job is to try and ensure than your children do better than yourself, so not only can they possibly avoid the struggles you've been through, but also that your child can teach the same to their own someday. I feel education is paramount to any decent job with decent wages that I may have held without a degree, life is not about money. I believe a parent's job is to be a role model for their children, and to push when they need to be pushed, offer guidance as needed, and to let them live their lives and make their own mistakes. 

I feel like my dad has always had a different philosophy - one of a more hands off, let them figure out everything on their own ideal. He told me before that he was disappointed that I quit Bruker to go back to school, and he disagreed with it wholeheartedly. He feels that a child should be able to support themselves without parental help after 18 - in this day and age, it is increasingly difficult to do so. With the high costs of school, the astronomical cost of car insurance, etc...

All I can do is accept him for who he is; this does not mean I need to have a relationship with him. I have barely spoken with him since our huge fight - short texts at the most. This is a tough time in my life, I need positive people who are rooting for me, and want me to succeed and believe in the path I am taking. I am not saying that people who disagree with some of the things I do are out of my life, but I cannot deal with toxicity and overall negativity at this point. I am driven and desperately want to get out of school and make something of myself, I refuse to let ANYBODY stop me.

My friends have been amazing to me, and they have helped me through this more than anyone else... They made me feel worth it, and kept me motivated through everything, thank you guys <3.

Ooooh, and by the way: last weekend Corey, Mark and I went for a short trip to San Francisco. Pictures on the next post!

I give up.

Last post...

...He told me that when he tells people about me and my issues, they all say to dump me. Is that true even for his family? Because I really felt like they were the family I never had, I really hope not. I hope it's not true and that he just said it out of anger...

He told me last year that we were going to get engaged this year. Is all of this why he decided that it wasn't going to happen in February?

I'm so lost. I'm using my blog like a crutch, I'm sorry for making all of this so public....

It's been 11 hours and Corey still hasn't called me, nothing. No communication, no apologies... 

What if it's really over? Just two days ago, he was telling me that he was going to change, to be there for me... I'm here in a hotel room and I don't even know if he knows where I am... I don't know where he is. He says he needs time to cool off, but I didn't do anything wrong...

I don't want to get hurt anymore, I just want to be loved...

Bah, for like the 8th day in a row, I can't sleep.

Liz and Jess W. came to my hotel room tonight bearing Ben and Jerrys, they were so sweet to keep me company. All three of us fit quite comfortably in the super huge king size bed! Filomena said she wants to stay over tomorrow night... I have such good friends <3

So quick run through of what happened:

- Upset at my dad for announcing he would not be helping me with a car (on top of never helping me with school (like he promised)) and spending $1200 a month on bars and alcohol, I flipped out at him and told him what  I really thought of him. He told me to get out of the house, so I did. Upset and crying, Corey comes to pick me and I had been there till today. My dad told me on the 18th that when I'm ready to talk that I can call him, but I'm too angry and hurt to do so. Oh and my dad doesn't support the idea of me going to school full-time either. Said I should have kept myself miserable going part time nights where it would have taken me 10 years to get a bachelors.

- FAFSA updated itself: my EFC (expected financial contribution) is $33,500. Since UML is $15K a year, that means I'm screwed, I've been having meetings with Financial Aid. Since my dad made about $150k last year and I made $4200, I'm going to try to see if they UML can make it so they only use my income... that way I can get better loans, get grants, and get housing.

- I visited my grandma on Saturday - that was a disaster. She thought Corey was my sugar daddy, and pays for my school, that I'm my sister and thought I was emancipated, and that my dad doesn't have any money when his mortgage, truck, and motorcycle are all paid off. Oh and that Corey is responsible for me, not my father.  She said she'd think about giving me the $5k loan I asked for, so that I can get a car.

- I have amazing friends who have been there for me, offered their support, their love, and their ears. My sister has offered to give me $500, Keri is allowing me to use her car to get my license, Garrette is giving me $250... All the MB girls have been AMAZING to me and I love them dearly for it... I really am so grateful for them <3>

- Corey hasn't been able to handle what's going on and I don't understand why. Whenever I talk about the situation, he gets upset that these people are treating me awfully, and he responds by taking it out on me. He's been really depressed, and all of this is killing him. I try to be sympathetic, but since it's actually affecting and hurting me and depressing me more, I can't be there for him when he's completely failing at being there for me. I think he wants out, his mom told me he's so obsessed with my problems that he can barely work...

- Me? I'm a mess. I skip every class I can, I can barely function. I haven't been sleeping. I'm behind on homework. Severely depressed, and feeling extremely betrayed. I feel lost and scared, because I'm losing everything at once. I cry everytime I think about the fact I have to find my kitty Spike a new home, and that I might never be able to see her again... I have to give up my degu, I have to sell a bunch of my stuff... I have to figure out how I'm going to get my license ASAP, where I'm going to live for the summer, the fall... Finances... if it all doesn't work out, I can't go to school anymore. I cry all the time...

All I ever wanted was a family. All I ever wanted was to make something of myself. I saw how much my parents struggled without a degree... I feel so betrayed... I have always been extremely independent, always took care of everything myself (with sometimes awful results). I've never had an actual parent who wanted what was best for me, who wanted me to be the best person I can, just to stifle me. 

When I was 16, my dad told me not to expect him to help with my schooling because he didn't have the money. When I quit Bruker at 20/21, he told me he would give me a minimum of $200 a month to help me out with school. Didn't happen.  Then his dad died, he got a huge inheritance, paid off his mortgage, paid off the $3k left on the truck, bought a motorcycle. I even told him, I'd be screwed with his income on the FAFSA, all he said was "sucks to be you".  I didn't understand - he had all this play money now, how could he not want to help his daughter? 

Turns out, that his mother and him agree - that he doesn't owe me anything, that he shouldn't help. That he doesn't have the money... Grandma gave Katie, my cousin, everything. Paid for her school, her cars, clothes... Kept giving Katie everything even after she kept stealing and manipulating Grandma. Grandma is buying her son a house, my Uncle John. This is the same Uncle John that was living at my Grandfather's house for free - all he had to do was pay the bills and he couldn't afford it. She's giving him $75000 to buy a house in way way way up in NH, and thinks he's somehow going to afford all of the bills and a $4k tax bill. 

But me? All I want is to go to school full-time and graduate and make something of myself. And it's too much to ask. All I'm asking for is a car, so I can make more money so I can go to school. And my dad and grandma think it's too much to ask.

Corey and I are falling apart because of this... It's destroying me that I'm losing the love of my life, the person I thought I was going to marry, because he can't handle how broken my family is. And in turn, he blames this all on me. If we break up, I don't know where I'd live for the summer. I'm so scared, so lost, so confused. We worked out so many issues, lately all of our biggest fights have been because of my dad, my family and how they screw me over. And how he fails to be there for me because of it.

I wish all of you could know how much I hurt inside right now. All of my life, I have been fucked over, been screwed over... Always tried to come out stronger for it, never wanted to ask for help. Now I'm asking for help, and I'm denied. Because according to my dad, this is being an adult.

I don't know what to do. I'm losing everything at once... but at least I still have my friends.

Corey told me I don't plan enough... He also told me I should have planned for my dad to kick me out. Should I have planned on Corey going psycho on me too? Why do I trust people anymore? The people I love and adore most only seem to hurt me... I have a plan for everything, or at least I thought so... but I never saw ANY of this coming. 

If I get denied by UML and my grandmother... there is still hope. Thol, Keri's fiance, is looking for $600-1500 cars for me. With the FAFSA, I have one other chance: my mother. If I can get her W-2 information and her social, I can get financial aid because I can amend the application with her information instead of my dad's. If that doesn't work, then I have no hope and that scares me to death.

Corey today screamed at me on the phone that I was going to get denied from UML and my grandma. Doesn't anyone ever have any faith in me anymore?

What did I do to deserve any of this? All I wanted was to go to school :-(

So these past two weeks have probably been the worst two of my life. I'm sure I'll have much more to tell you once I wrap my head around exactly what happened today. Because believe it or not, it CAN get worse!

I had no idea and now my head wants to explode.

Time to get some rest - I haven't really slept in a week.

Easter, gym, car goodness

Sooooo I decided I'm going to make an effort and keep up with this blog again instead of letting it all pile up and me trying to avoid posting. I like keeping people updated and I like having a blog, because it's a nice way to see how I've changed over the years...

So like I said in my last post, Keri and I have been going to the gym a lot and since I'm a high energy person, I LOVE being at the gym. To keep myself motivated, I try and take pictures of each elliptical session I do, and at this point I'm up to an hour:

4/7 - 62 minutes on the elliptical, 6.25 miles, 638 calories

4/9 - 623 calories burned that day on the elliptical

4/13 - 65 minutes, 702 calories, 100 situps, 60 40lbs on triceps, 36 40lbs on biceps, then some leg presses

4/14 - 65 minutes, 725 calories, 50 crunches with 50 lbs, 200 crunches with 40 lbs, then some leg exercises as well as the 50 minute walk to the gym

I've been going to the gym A LOT (on average 4-5 times a week at this point) and my hard work is paying off - even with Easter weekend (and eating Chinese food before running on 4/13) I lost 5 lbs in one week. Go me!

Speaking of Easter - pictures! :-D

Corey and I posing before our Easter brunch

Me posing in my pretty Easter dress - notice my cute new Coach purse... Did you know you can trade in your old ones for a new one for FREE? Now I do :-)

With our yummy Cobblestones omelettes

The whole gang - from left front: Bethany, Dave, Kathy, Corey, MEEEEEE

My favorite picture of all of us :-D

My dad said he had a nice Easter too - he hopped on his bike and went for a ride in the sunshine :-)

Ugh, I am SO sore from the gym. Today is my day off from the gym (thank goodness!) but tomorrow, Keri and I will be running like crazy as usual.

Oooh soooooo I know I say this a lot, but I have an actual deadline to get a car - the end of May. Why the end of May? Well, I told Keri I would babysit her son Sage (who I love so much) M-F 7am - 3:30 pm till the end of June and I need a car for that. I need a car to drive Corey down to his surprise birthday locale... And I have so many oppurtunities to make some extra cash when I have a car. Garrette mentioned he could get me a job where he works (at a breakfast place) on weekends as a waitress, as well as Corey's boss Steve wants me to babysit his twins a couple nights a week in the summertime or so. No car? No money.

I've been working hard on getting my license as soon as possible. It's just so frustrating, my dad isn't exactly as gung ho about it as I'd hoped he'd be... I don't have a lot of day time to practice, like on weekends I'm usually booked with work and plans, and he just seems upset at me and I don't know why. I really need his help to get a car, and I've been looking at a lot of Dodge Neon SXTs lately. You can find a really cute newer model (2004-2005) with low mileage (30k-45k) for under 7k. I can put $1000 down but I wouldn't be able to pay the monthly payments (about $150) and definitely not the insurance ($334 just to insure myself monthly).

So here is my plan before I bring it to my dad's attention, I can take any and all suggestions, ideas, etc:

I propose to my dad that he buys the car, under his name and pays for the insurance, and lists me as a driver on the Neon I want. It will cost him a lot, yes, but not as much as it would cost me. For him to add me to his insurance, it would be about $200 total to insure two cars and cover both of us. It would cost about $150 to pay for the car monthly, but I would pay for all gas, parts, and repairs. In return, I will continue paying for my school (I'm taking out about $15k in loans yearly) and every other month, I will pay for my interest on my school loans instead of him paying for the $50 monthly. 

It may sound like I'm making my dad foot the bill for a lot, but I think it turns out to be pretty fair. I'm in college. Since 2005, I have paid for my school himself, he has never ever paid my tuition. I buy my own books. I pay for all my own expenses, including groceries. He does give me money sometimes to help me out because I am struggling, but financially, I do 95% of it on my own. 

I need a car, and badly. Corey and I are fighting like crazy over me not having a car, it's holding me back from a lot of great oppurtunities, and I desperately want to be more independent. It's always bothered me I didn't have a car, but for many years I was too petrified to even learn to drive. Now I'm comfortable on the wheel, but I just have no clue to parallel park. I don't feel comfortable in my dad's Ford Escape, as in driving or testing (the wheel, it's very loose and too responsive, very hard for me to drive, especially on the highway) but I'm thinking of asking Keri to practice on her car and even possibly use it for my license test. I'm gonna talk to her about it tomorrow while we're gymming it up.

In other news, I saw Corey's dad last night and he gaves us our Easter baskets. Me being the fat kid I am, well, mine is already gone. Guess I'm working extra hard on Thursday :-P

Also, Memento - great movie. Messed with my head, eek.

Someday I will sleep by the way. It doesn't help that I go to bed at 2am and then get shaken awake by Corey at 4:30am with crazy eyes and mass confusion on what was going on. I asked him if he was okay, and he said yes - wanted to know if I was okay. I must have been tossing or turning or something, but oh man was I NOT happy to be woken up.

Okay off to class bye everyone :-D

Last post for the day promise

Haha to those who are subscribed to my blog, sorry for flooding you guys - I had a lot to catch up on, as you can see. I've been really busy and it's been really hard to take 7 classes and have any real time for myself. I've been tired and burnt out and I'm so glad I have 6 weeks left. 

Estimated grades so far:

Life Science: B

Lab: A

Financial Accounting: C

English: B

Marketing: B/B-

Macroeconomics: B (but I have an exam Wednesday, so that could change :-P)

Precalc: B+

I haven't lost any weight, but since Keri is getting married in August, I signed up at her gym and have been really good about going to the gym since. We both want to look amazing for her wedding, but it can be so tiring. I absolutely love going to the gym so it's worth it to me. 

Unfortunately, I will not be able to do the Walk For Hunger this year. Corey is going to San Francisco with a family friend to show him around, and he wanted me to come too so I don't miss out. We didn't realize we planned it for the same weekend as the WFH, so I'm pretty upset about it, but it's not really anyone's fault. It's hard for me to get motivated and continue to fundraise... I guess there's always next year.

Oooh about DC. So I was pretty upset Logan took away my body spray, but I nearly started crying when the airport in DC took away my water globe I bought for my dad. They saw how upset I was and let me keep it, but seriously, a PLASTIC WATERGLOBE?!? How is that a contraband? That is ridiculous...

I really hope I can make it to the gym today, I got called into work on my day off... I've been eating horribly because of stress. Ugh I can't wait for this semester to be over. Then I can have summer!

I keep looking for a new job because I hate mine. I love the people but Market Basket is an awful place. Can you believe I've been there a year? Ugh, I didn't want to be there more than 6 months, but in this recession, there are no jobs out there. So I'm stuck here, at 22 with 7 years of customer service experience making 8.25 an hour. UGHHHHH

KK time for class.

Maybe I'll post again soon lol

Lady Gaga

Kayla, Courtney and I went to Lady Gaga on March 30th and can I just mention how amazing she was? She's one of my favorite artists because she's crazy and I found out for myself what a great show she can put on. She sings and dances at the same time, refuses to lip sync, is not a fan of pants, wears hair bows... What a loon but I love love love her.

I had my first experience with General Admission and it wasn't my favorite, because we were packed like sardines and there was no room to dance, but I still had a blast. Here are the pictures. As always, click for big.

On the train to Boston

Goofy girls :-D

We waited in line for 2 hours outside in the cold and drizzly rain

Notice the guys in the background doing the claw :-D

Hahahah

At the time I was using Jergen's Natural Glow and look at my tan! I'm glowing!

Attractive

Tommy and Kayla

HAIRBOW

So this is a hairbow, made by Gaga herself. I would have worn it the entire time, but everyone kept touching it and it had to come out and then ruined it :-(

She dresses so crazy!

Her and her disco stick

Bubble piano and bubble dress!

Video glasses!

My favorite Gaga picture

Kayla and I waiting for the train home, tired and sweaty but happy :-D